superpance (superpance) wrote,

Broken Heart [no. 1]

Love is fleeting, like all things that make us happy. Love, I always assumed, was different. I used to describe the happiness as the feeling of Christmas morning. Though that eventually weakened with time, as other things in my life held more gravity, it never stopped making me happy. Unfortunately, love isn't simply about being happy yourself, it's about two people sharing a lot of mutual things including happiness.

There isn't a lesson to learn from a broken heart. For ten months I let my skin thin a little to her. Was it worth it? Absolutely, but only for those ten months. Now it just hurts. John Lennon was wrong, all you need is to live in the moment. The concentrated pain of a broken heart comes from memories. All things sour, including our relationships. Don't put too much stock into the way someone makes you feel, just enjoy the feeling. It won't last.

I don't believe in love like I did. I feel like I've lost half of my body. My heart is shattered like a Christmas ornament, trampled under foot. Each piece wants something different, but overwhelmingly, I'd like to return to what I had. No matter how strong the love was, it's replacable I'm told. Anything you think is unique and special is actually just unique and special because you have such a small view of the world. If you knew even half the population of the world, you'd see that no one is special.

Yet they are special because they touched you. And she was the first one who touched me.

How can it be easy for someone to say "it's not you, it's me," when it is almost always the exact opposite? It hurts to be honest, but hurts to hear a cliche'. It hurts to have no reason. It just hurts. No reason to apologize or try to clear things up because it just hurts the other person. They have a broken heart. If you meant enough to them, they are going to feel dead. They are going to feel empty. They are going to feel like a spirit watching the rest of the world shuffle their feet. It's a feeling of not understanding. This is probably what a foreign exchange student would feel like if they were set in the worst of locations - a different culture, no knowledge of the language, and people simply ignoring them.

It hurts, a broken heart.
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